Let me a take a stab at what's going on here: Paris Hilton's magical bra, which in defiance of God's Will makes her appear to have cleavage, is running low on unicorn tears. That, or her breasts are made of slowly melting ice cream. The flavor? Ben & Jerry's New "V.D. Cone Home." Look for it in your grocer's freezer. EDIT: Apparently, with the boob droopage in full effect, Paris tried to hook up with recently single soccer star Cristiano Ronaldo only to be shot down, according to the Daily Mail. Benji Madden would be pissed except he realizes he's Benji Madden and is just happy to touch a vagina. Thanks to Tom for the tip on Paris' crash and burn. I love a good heartwarming tale.

These are promotional shots for Paris Hilton's new hair extension line DreamCatchers. You can check out the company site here if you absolutely hate your eyes, ears and sense of dignity. In the meantime, I've come up with some slogans to help Paris in her entrepreneurial pursuit: DreamCatchers: Because you've stopped taking your meds and stole your grandmother's purse. Get beautiful! DreamCatchers: Look we gave her some money and figured she'd choke on the extensions during the development process. Who knew? DreamCatchers: Or you can keep looking like a trash bag full of cottage cheese, Kim Kardashian. DreamCatchers: Because you know who gives great hair advice? Chicks with herpes. That's science. Hair science.

Thanks to the magic of the Internets, celebs can now reach out directly to their fans and give them a piece of their mind.

There's a lot Paris Hilton wants to get off her chest, so the peeved socialite/entrepreneur has taken to her blog to clear up some rumors.

She says:

"Hey guys, hope you all had a great weekend. Once again, I am blown away by more lies that are going around, and wanted to clear them up with all of you. I'm sick of Page Six and other gossip sites printing completely false stories. It's not fair because these lies then spread like wildfire online and people begin to believe they are true, just because they read the same story on so many different sites. I am tired of not commenting on the rumors I hear and I think it's fair for you to know the truth.

From now on I plan to address these when they come to my attention. I still do not know why these stories get so much circulation–they cross the line between silly tabloid gossip into hateful speculating. They involve completely false rumors about not only what I allegedly do, but about the people in my personal life and family.

Page Six reported that I have moved into Benji's neighborhood, and that Nicole is upset by this…SO NOT TRUE! First of all, I don't even live in Glendale. Secondly, I have my own home in a gated community in Beverly Hills–that's where I live. I haven't been to Glendale in months. Where do they come up with this?

As most of you know, I moved away from my old–and very accessible–house because I was sick and tired of constant invasion of my private life. I love my fans but I could not leave for a meeting or walk my dog without a camera pushing inside my front door on to personal property. I feel so much happier and safer in my new home. I've been renovating it for the past year and totally made it my style. I've seen pictures online that are supposedly the inside of my new home, but they're not. Those pictures were taken off a private real estate site from the previous owners' interior. The house looks so much different and it underwent such a big transformation into my dream home. I couldn't be happier!

So anyway, back to what I was saying: I am thankful that I know who my true friends and colleagues are, and I encourage my fans to ignore worthless stories like this. There is too much going on in the world, and in your own lives, to waste time reading lies. Such a disappointment but as always, you'll get the true story from me!

I'm off to a post production meeting for my BFF show, and I hope you are all enjoying the beautiful summer!

Love always,

Paris xoxo"

And there you have it.

Seems like Page Six has been getting a lot of stories wrong lately!

[Image via WENN.]