Lindsay Lohan is on the straight and narrow, according to the judge presiding over her probation case stemming from last year's misdemeanor charges. Nothing like seeing a veritable booze tornado defy all odds and become a lesbian. *sniff* She was one of the greats. E! Online reports:

A Los Angeles judge agreed with the 22-year-old starlet's attorney today when he determined that Lohan had "proper attendance" and "no missed dates" regarding the various obligations she has been required to attend as part of her probation from 2007's twin-DUI debacle.

All I have to say is, they don't make overprivileged child stars like they used to anymore. Britney's cleaned herself up and now Lindsay. Christ, next you're going to tell me Paris Hilton has stop killing homeless men with her death vagina. I've traveled into a parallel universe, haven't I? I knew it. I bet I can fly in this one. Whee! UPDATE: So I don't have the power of flight. What I do have is the ability to bounce off the roof of a Prius into a bus. On that note, I'll be typing with my tongue from here on outpbpt. Damfit.

Khloe Kardashian (Swamp Thing above who should avoid being photographed next to Kourtney) apparently was picked up for DUI last year but managed to keep it out of the press. That is until she decided not to do any of her community service or enroll in alcohol education classes. Wow, that plan had everything. Khloe's stupidity has landed her three days in jail starting no later than Friday and, not surprisingly, she couldn't care less. People reports:

Over the weekend, Kardashian showed no obvious signs of worry about her upcoming jail term, as she attended a party at the Project Beach House in Malibu with her mother and sister Kourtney.
"Khloe actually looked great, really relaxed and having a good time," says a partygoer at Sunday's Lia Sophia Clambake. "[She] didn't look like she had a care in the world and even got a massage."

All Khloe had to do was pick up some trash along the highway and watch a video about the dangers of drunk driving. Of course, that'd probably be harder than the five minutes she'll spend in jail. Provided she even makes it that far. Khloe's sentence was already reduced from 30 days to three days within a matter of hours, so I imagine by tomorrow she'll get a Bath & Body Works gift basket from the sheriff's department with a note reading: "You be a good girl now." If I actually paid my taxes, this is the sort of thing that would cause me to drink - then inevitably drive because, shit, they're giving out hand soap!